The Expat Life

As I approach the 6-week mark of living in Ghana, I feel like I've completed "Expat Life 101." I've certainly traveled abroad before but you really can't compare that to living abroad and my only experience living abroad was as a college student in Sri Lanka. And although that experience was amazing and eye-opening, it was not "expat life." I lived with a host family and took courses and was guided around the country by my program. So this is officially my first expat experience, whereas most of the expats I've met thus far here are on their 3rd, 10th or 20th year living as an expat. I am frequently faced with the question of "what number tour is this for you" and I'm realizing that expats often make a life of being an expat...something I guess I had never really thought about before. A few examples include a woman who told me the other day that she left Canada 20 years ago and has been traveling ever since doing "tours" with her husband, who she met doing development work in Zimbabwe. They now have two teenage kids and have lived all over the world and now are at their post in Ghana. Then there is this guy who might also be from Canada, who is selling us some pieces of furniture because he and his family are moving on to Switzerland for the next "tour." When I went to his house to see what he was selling, each item was from a different country where he and his family has lived including Cambodia, Ethiopia, and Bolivia (We're buying his chairs from Bolivia!). They've been "on the road" so to speak for quite some time with their two children as well. There are many more examples like this and I'm learning that as these families pick up and relocate they must find housing, find drivers, find cooks, find maids, settle their children in schools, and subsequently make friends and build a network all over again. It seems exhausting but at the same time fascinating that these families don't have a home base. They are in a way like nomads. But I assume, their "home" is wherever they are as a family which is sort of how it should be I think. I just imagine the kids of expats as being incredibly interesting and socially experienced..."wordly" doesn't even begin to capture it I suppose. But, simultaneously, the challenges these families and children face are also probably very real and in some ways unique to this life. Like I wonder, do families make the decision to go somewhere new all together and at what point, if ever, do they settle down somewhere permanently? Interesting topics for conversation I guess. But, as one of Alan's colleague's explained, the advantages of expat life in 3rd world countries (or 10th world as Alan likes to refer to Ghana) often outweigh the disadvantages, especially for families with young children. This particular person explained that in other places they've lived like Spain and London, life with young kids can be very stressful (duh many of you might say)...both parents working and little if any help. Whereas, in places like Ghana, these families can have one parent working, the other home with the young children, little to no financial stress because housing and many other expenses are taken care of by the company, and in addition they can have a maid, cook, nanny, and driver! So these parents who have 3 kids, a 1, 3. and 5-year old, get to go have lunch with friends, take yoga classes, have date nights with their husbands on a whim, spend time with their kids without being exhausted, go to parties, take in a movie, etc. without the stresses of family life in the Western world. And the best part according to some families here...the parents are happy, the kids are happy, everyone is relaxed and enjoying life. Have I tempted anyone yet?

So, as I find my way in this crazy expat life, I'm trying to figure out how to make the most of it and how to build my network. I've realized I won't be able to just volunteer, knit, sew, and bake but I've also got to make friends! All I know is that I think it was easier making friends when I was 8 at summer camp. It's not that expats (I should specify the wives mostly) are not nice, socialable, interesting, etc. but people have their networks and it mostly comes to figuring out entry points into these networks. At least at summer camp, everyone was new and didn't have friends and had to build social bonds at the same time. But here, it's like I'm the new girl in school and have learned there are clicks of people but they are much less nasty than in high school...not nasty at all really...but warm and helpful mostly. There is one American woman in particular who has been very helpful and has put me in contact with all kinds of useful people and places. She teaches yoga at her apartment complex 3 days a week and there are about 15-20 people per class and I've learned that yoga is an "entry point." I'm not really into yoga but I've decided I might need to get into it to make friends so I went to her class yesterday. And aside from being ridiculously sore, I enjoyed it and socialized a bit, even got invited over for coffee afterwards. It's through this same woman that I got invited to the book club which meets monthly. I'm in no way an avid reader, but again, if that is what it takes to build a network, I'll up my reading activity and be part of the book club. And it was through the book club, that I met a Russian woman that lives in my apartment complex. I've discovered she also teaches yoga at our building at 6am 2 days a week so I might have to join that class too! She also is open about loaning her DVD's out since she has quite a selection so she loaned me a movie a few weeks ago. So when I went to return it, we sat and had tea and cookies together, and she was inquiring about my entry into expat life here. She shared with me some of her networks and activities. She is quite impressive with her networks so I've decided she is a good person to know. She even told me she is part of a Mahjong club that meets to play weekly. I've never played but she told me that she hadn't either and that since she's been in Ghana, she has gotten tutorials in Mahjong and then got approval to join the Mahjong club. I guess you need to know what you're doing according to the lady that runs the club. In fact there are several Mahjong clubs here and some are even divided by nationality. So she now tutors other women in the game and offered to teach me and hopefully get me into the club. Again, Mahjong is not necessarily something I've been dying to learn but why not! So my forays into social networking have been somewhat successful and perhaps I am ready to advance to "Expat Life 102"!